hang the dj (like hatch chiles)
While studying briefly in Birmingham in the early 80s, I met Tracy. A new wave girl, we frequented the Rum Runner club. She loved dancing. I loved watching her dance. Soon, a new club DJ, a frenchman Michel Renard Gris, took interest in my Tracy. He tempted her with her beloved Duran Duran songs, intermingling “Friends of Mine” with dreadful music choices like Adam Ant and the Vapors. He approached her every night, awkwardly groping to kiss her hand and neck. She always rejected his advances. Yet, he continued to persist. His terrible music choices dampening Tracy’s dancing mood; his behavior enticing my hunger.
I hatched a plan with Tracy. Could she purchase this device and bring to my home on the following Saturday? She would.
After Michel’s DJ set at the Rum Runner that Saturday, Tracy plied him with double rum sodas, lured him out of the club and guided him to my home with promises to give him what he had desired for so long.
The drunken, stumbling Michel sat in the newly purchased chair. Here I appeared behind him and deftly strapped him like a straightjacket. Surprisingly, it took several moments for him to realize he was not going to spend the evening with Tracy.
I had recently imported hatch chiles from the American south west. They were hanging from a cross beam in my dining room. A peppery chandelier. This was the spark for the tenderloin with hatch chiles recipe.
But first, we must torture him. And the best way was to torture him as he had us: with his own music choices. We asked him for a playlist, hung him like the hatch chiles, and began playing the music loudly - to muffle his screams.
When we were done, he was set ablaze and rolled down Broad Street, strapped in the chair.
Wine Pairing: a French burgundy wine for a French loin.
Music Pairing: The Smiths, “Panic”
serves 2
ingredients
2 lbs tenderloin (chef’s choice of meat)
4 hatch chiles, roasted
2 cups shredded cheese (cheddar)
Rub
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon paprika
1/2 tablespoon black pepper
1/2 tablespoon kosher salt
1/2 tablespoon garlic powder
1/2 tablespoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1/2 teaspoon cumin
instructions
Pre-heat the smoker: to 121 celsius
Prepare the rub: mix the ingredients together to taste
Prepare the loin: trim excess fat. Slice loin lengthwise down. the middle. Do not slice through the loin. Tenderize using a mallet.
Add the fillings: place the prepared hatch chiles and cheese in the loin.
Finish the loin. Roll the loin carefully. Rub generously with the rub. Secure with butcher’s twine. (Also convenient for hanging the DJ.)
Cook the loin in the smoker for about 90 min. Allow to rest at least 10 minutes after removing from heat.
To eat: Slice loin cross-wise. Enjoy with your favorite Torture Jelly.
